I need to confess; I did not enjoy going to worship services when I was a child. Some reading this may feel a connection with me on this topic while others may wonder why I went to seminary. It was not the church’s fault. The problem was that I did not like to sit still for an hour, whether it be sitting at the dinner table, at the doctor’s office, or in a classroom. I was just an active child who felt the need to wiggle, squirm, or jump. Life was just too fun to waste sitting and listening.
The good news is that I wasn’t alone. My childhood churches were filled with other children. My parents had four children, and this was more the norm than the exception. Families during the 1950s and 1960s were larger. They filled public schools and churches with their prodigious output of children. The baby boomer generation (1946–1964) moved to the suburbs and built new homes, schools, and churches to accommodate the growing American population. My squirming young body was not unusual because there were many young squirming bodies in church.
My squirming was a problem for parents who believed that churches were holy places where only ministers and singers were allowed to speak or move. Children were dressed in their finest starched clothes to keep them as uncomfortable as possible and to remind them not to speak or move during worship. Until I was in first grade, I could not even read the worship bulletin or comprehend what the minister preached. I usually liked the music since I could stand and hum along. It was the sitting still in silence that was the hardest part. If I failed, my parents gave me ‘the look.’ If I failed repetitively, punishment followed.
The Wall Street Journal (WSJ) published an editorial titled; If a Parish Isn’t Crying, It’s Dying: Silence has its place in church, but don’t forget that ‘God put the wiggle in children.’ (Mark Naida, Feb. 16, 2024). Naida worships at his Oklahoma Catholic Church with his young children. His 8-month-old son clapped during the homily which brought many smiles to the congregation. Some churches installed ‘cry rooms’ to isolate noisy children from the solemnity of worship services. Parents bring handbags full of books, toys, food, and sweets to entertain children which can distract parents and congregants during worship. Pope Francis loves babies so much that “in 2014 he said, ‘It really irritates me when I see a child crying in church and someone says they must go out. God’s voice is in a child’s tears.’” His words exemplify excellent practical theology.
My childhood Presbyterian Church did not offer childcare during worship. The Calvin Reformers believed that nothing should interfere with worship. Children are to attend and learn about Jesus Christ from their earliest age. When my daughter and son were infants, we sat next to the sanctuary exit doors and prayed silently that our baby would not cry. Feedings greatly helped calm our children, provided the choir did not sing too loudly.
The sign of a healthy church is found in its demographics. No matter the size of the congregation, if the hair color is primarily grey, it is a dying church. I go to the early service of my Austin church and rarely see children of any age. Over 90% who regularly attend are my age or older. The opposite is true of the church we attend in Victoria (BC). Last Sunday, I observed an elementary age boy squirming in front of me. He wasn’t interested in the contemporary music nor the sermon. His grandfather exhibited great patience and love, even allowing him to exit for 5 minutes. I glanced around the congregation to get a feel for the demographics. This church is growing and full of babies, pre-teens, and teenagers. “The presence of children is a gift to the Church and they are a reminder that our parish is growing.”
My Christian daughter once told me that she did not want to impose a religion on her children. I responded with questions: “How did you learn about Christianity? Did they teach Christianity in your public school? Did your friends instruct you? Did you, by chance, go into a church on your own and learn about it?” The next month, she decided to take her children to church.
Although my early church worship services were dreadful to quietly sit through, they eventually molded my faith. By the time I was a teenager, I felt the love of Christ when surrounded by my church family. When I attended college over 1,000 miles away from my childhood home, I quickly attended church services. It was a place of refuge while I struggled to find my place in the university. I was not physically squirming in church then. I needed to find a home away from home and feel loved. A child may not always be perfect in church or understand worship, but he or she can feel love within community.
When a child is baptized prior to confessing their faith, the congregation is asked to support the parents and child until he or she is old enough to personally declare their faith. Congregations should honor this vow by welcoming children’s voices, noises, and wiggles. Parents will become more relaxed and able to feel the Spirit. Children may even become one of the faithful as I did many years ago. Welcome and appreciate the crying and squirming children because it means there is abundant life around you.
