I worked for a small domestic energy company early in my career and managed reservoir engineering. Three employees worked for me: two female administrators and one reservoir technician. Once a week, we had a team meeting in my office. The group worked well together, and we discussed our team goals and office issues. Two of the team members had young children and one had recently divorced.
During one of the team meetings, I mentioned my frustrations on property evaluations with a drilling engineer, a rough and tumble Aggie who bullied others. He lacked basic office manners and was constantly getting into verbal altercations. He was technically qualified, just immature. I tried my best to find common ground. Sadly, I usually failed.
After our team meeting, he stormed into my office and shut the door. He told me that he would punch me if I did not apologize to him for what I had said during my team meeting. I was shocked at both his unprofessional behavior and that someone in my team had told him about our team conversations. After he cooled down, I offered an apology, and he left my office. Who told him?
It suddenly occurred to me that my employee who was going through a divorce was in a romantic relationship with the drilling engineer. Her divorce was connected to an office romance. Later that day, she confirmed the relationship, and later married him. I was young and naïve. It never occurred to me that a married woman would have an office affair, especially with a hot-headed drilling engineer.
Office romances are not a new subject. When men and women spend forty or more hours a week working together, romances are bound to blossom. There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults who work for the same organization having romantic relationship outside working hours. My wife and I met at work and dated after working hours. A survey this year by SHRM found that about 20% of workers have gone on a date with a co-worker during the past year. Significant problems can arise from power imbalances when one of the two individuals works directly or indirectly for the other person in the romance.
The financial news often reports high level managers being fired for violating company policy against romances that involve power imbalances. Norfolk Southern Chief Executive Alan Shaw was fired for having a romantic relationship with the Chief Legal Officer Nabanita Chaterjee Nag, who was also fired. McDonald’s then-CEO Steve Easterbrook was fired for similar reasons. Easterbrook admitted he violated the personal conduct policy in an email to employees. BP CEO Bernard Looney was fired for not informing BP about past internal romantic relationships when questioned during his CEO interview.
If two adults have a legal romantic relationship, why do companies care? Love is a good thing, right? It matters because normal office dynamics are altered when two employees who work together have one of the romantic partners judging the other’s work performance. Judgement is impaired by the romance. Other workers see the potential for favoritism and resent it. In the office incident that happened early in my career, I could not be open with an individual who worked for me because the information was being passed along to her partner. Her romantic relationship caused me to alter my comments and changed my relationship with her. No longer was it a normal supervisory relationship. I also resented that she had not earlier disclosed the office romance, although this was difficult to do because it was an affair that led to her divorce. I found out the hard way. I learned not to express my frustrations about another work colleague with the people who worked for me.
Scripture records an improper relationship in 2 Samuel 11. King David lusts after Bathsheba who is married to Uriah, one of David’s loyal soldiers. He used his power to seduce her, and she became pregnant. To cover up his sin, he sent Uriah into battle where he died. He then marries Bathsheba. Nathan confronts David’s sin and David confesses, “I have sinned against the Lord.” (2 Samuel 12:13) Unequal power can lead to unrighteous actions.
My wife and I worked eight years for the same employer while married. We worked in separate departments under separate managers. We commuted back and forth to the office together, yet rarely saw each other during the workday. We were able to discuss our work with an informed and understanding romantic partner. Our romance was one of equality and did not violate company policy.
Love is the most powerful of human emotions. It can be beautifully poetic as stated in the Song of Solomon and shockingly transformative as witnessed with an innocent man being crucified on a cross. Romantic love within boundaries flourishes and enhances our world. Romance that violates God’s commandments is not love; it is sin. One of God’s two greatest commandments is to love our neighbors. “And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)
